My Disappearing Madeleine...McDonald's Deep Fried Hot Apple Pie Locator

 

At some point, whether in science class or while reading Proust, we've all learned that olfaction and memory are closely related (guess where the post-literate Dabbler learned this tidbit?). Just the other day, I was at a neighbor's house sitting with her son, who was concentrating intensely on molding his play-do. I joined in, and as I brought the squishy, fluorescent lump to my nose, I was transported by the slightly salty odor to the comfort of childhood. And not to a specific moment in my youth, but that general feeling of being a kid.

Of course, closely related to the sense of smell is that of taste. And as I age, I find myself seeking out tastes from my youth that seem to be on the brink of extinction, if not totally vanquished. I speak of brand-name items such as the individual Betty Crocker chocolate cakes that one cooked in an Easy Bake Oven; of the McDonald's Shamrock shake (they don't offer this, even seasonally, in California); of one of a kind, local delicacies like the long shuttered Wellesley Cookie Jar's wafer thin, crispy, buttery, chocolate chip cookies. The cocoa morsels weren't Toll House gooey, but tiny bittersweet punctuation marks, to cut the almost carmelized, overly sweet flavor of the silver dollar sized biscuits.

Maybe this explains my fascination with 'yogurt that tastes like yogurt', as the early 1980s saw the invention of Fro-Yo, and Columbo soft-serve machines all over the North East dispensed a Raspberry variety that was not too sweet, not too tart. My quest for acidipholous in its purer forms could be a psychological grasp at some sort of fountain of youth. Sadly, this product is not readily available in the United States, and maybe one of the reasons I feel so ancient these days.

And neither is one of my most coveted flavors of the past: the McDonald's deep fried 'Hot with a capital H' apple pie. As in, law suit-inducing, 'careful, filling is scaldingly hot' apple pie. No vented crust, no baking, and certainly no fear of lard. The item was virtually obliterated by Ronald and company in 1993.

But, fortunately, just like 'yogurt that tastes like yogurt', there are places outside of the U.S. (and apparently a few inside) that still carry the actual deep fried delight. Places, perhaps, where the people are less litigious. Lands, perhaps, where people realize that its preferable to eat a small portion of meat, fruit and vegetables, sumptuously fried to a crisp in animal fat , than humungous portions of low cost items baked (or fried) using supposedly more health conscious vegetable oils. If the health consequences are six and one half dozen, I'll take taste over quantity.

So, where can one still find the deep fried hot apple pie? While normally I would not set foot in an American fast food chain (save In 'n Out), I find no shame in having entered a Champs-Elysees adjacent Mickey D's to get my fix. Nor was I embarrassed to dine alongside Harajuku Girls in, well, Harajuku, Tokyo, on the endangered dessert. And I certainly felt no shame in Puerto Vallarta in buying the fifty-cent confection, at least compared to the 100 ounce spring break special Margaritas at Senor Frog's that I could have chosen instead. My only complaint? The sell-through on this item must not be that high, as in all countries I ended up with something akin to a warm apple pie due to the pastries' prolonged waits for suitors.

According to McDonald's Corporate Relations department, there are a few outlets left in the U.S. that due to space limitations can't accommodate the 'baking' oven and therefore continue to fry their pies (many of these are actually in Wal-Mart stores). The percentage as of 2003 stood at roughly 90% serving baked, and 10% fried. In the rest of the world, that figure can surely be inverted. Yet another reason to travel -- I can be transported not just to another country and culture, but also to my youth, when on Tuesdays before all-city band practice, I would regularly burn my tongue on the nearly boiling filling, leaving my mouth numb enough to get through an hour playing the Dallas theme song on the trombone.

I sense another issue of the Wandering Dabbler coming soon. I hear they still fry their apple pies in China...

P.S. Get your old-fashioned Easy Bake Oven soon, as Hasbro has announced plans to change the heating element from the trusty light bulb to something more akin to a toaster coil. Where's the fun in that?