Acidophilus Angst

 

There may not be many of us around, but we exist. I speak of those who prefer yogurt that tastes like, well, yogurt. Plain. Tart. Just a hint of sweetness.

Frozen yogurt, especially, suffers from extreme self-esteem issues, constantly trying to mask itself with hyper-sweetened, artificial flavors. It's like a high school kid on the edge of popular trying way too hard to fit in, hoping that maybe, just maybe, her new pair of parachute pants, or scoring tickets to the Wham concert, or getting drunk on the orchestra trip -- and subsequently suspended -- will help her gain entry into the in-crowd (none of this is based on personal experience. I swear. Really).

In Japan and in Europe this is not the case. In these far away lands, yogurt that tastes like yogurt fits in just fine. It's not the ugly step-sister to ice cream. It's proud to be plain, with no bitterness to speak of. It has a natural, refreshing zest to it. It's sweet but not saccharine. And it's readily available, found at gelaterias in Italy ('yoghurt' flavor), and in in Japan's supermarket aisles in containers that include a sugar packet on the side, so you can determine the perfect balance of sweet to tart yourself.

On my last trip to Japan, I made a further discovery which left me entering every Lawson's Station and 7-11 in greater Tokyo looking for Haagen-Daz's "Rich and Plain" flavor (now cleverly renamed "Rich Milk"). Rich and Plain is a creamy, but decidedly yogurty flavored, cup of deliciousness. That sojourn was in 2001, and since then I have been on a quest to find a US equivalent. I even wrote to Haagen-Daz pleading for them to add this to their stateside flavor line-up, but I guess they didn't see a market for "Rich and Plain" or the slightly more appetizingly named "Rich Milk" flavor here.



All is not lost, however. In my search, I seem to have found several alternatives. For all you 'yogurt that tastes like yogurt' fans out there, here they are:

1. Dannon 'Danactive' (formerly called 'Actimel' -- I take full credit for the renaming, since I filled out their online survey and told them that nothing called 'Actimel' would ever catch on here; in Europe, it's still called Actimel). This is a probiotic liquid that comes in small two ounce servings. It tastes good, and apparently it's good for you. Research shows that "probiotics enhance the digestion and absorption of protein, fat, calcium and phosphorus". The bottle says it's an immune system booster. Mostly, it's yummy. Unfortunately the serving size is pretty small, Danactive's greatest liability. And it is only available at Whole Foods Supermarkets for the most part.

2. Baby Yogurt -- this is not just for babies. In fact, I have no idea why it's called Baby Yogurt. Available at the Beverly Hills Gelateria 'Il Cono', this Italian import is a non-fat soft-serve yogurt that has exactly the right flavor. However, it melts very quickly and is a little soupy. But it'll do. Additionally, Il Cono serves Yoghurt flavored gelato which is quite good. If you are so moved, you can apparently open your own Baby Yogurt franchise.

3. Pink Berry -- in West Hollywood, this is the standout of the bunch! Just the right consistency, this product reminds me of the soft serve Columbo Fro-Yo I had as a kid. It's more tart than sweet, and comes only in two flavors, plain and green tea. Both are good. Toppings ranging from fresh fruit to fruity pebbles are offered, and if selected they are placed carefully around the perimeter of the yogurt, an aesthetically pleasing as well as practical solution as it allows the consumer to determine the exact desired ratio of topping to yogurt on his or her own. The charming little storefront makes you feel like you're in Singapore or Tokyo, until you're jolted back to LA when you notice the clientele, dominated by really buff men of a particular lifestyle, and skinny actress types.

So, even with Humphrey Yogart out of business, Angelenos (and for those with Whole Foods or a Baby Yogurt franchise near you) can delight in pure, unadulterated acidophilus, crossing the proliferation of overly sweetened yogurt off our list of things to talk about in therapy.